Long before there was “Moonlight” and “Twilight” and shape-shifting was something you tried to do with a crash diet, money-sucking vampires walked among us robbing we mere mortals of our much-needed cash.
This breed of the undead is particularly vicious because it springs upon its unsuspecting prey at times when the victims are least prepared to pay. It’s as if these financial blood-suckers can sense when you’re about to get a little bit ahead in the household budget and choose that very moment to pounce. For these pests, green is the new red.
Members of the unemployed, semi-unemployed or underemployed class, who are counting every penny anyway, are particularly susceptible to these scoundrels. It’s as if the money-suckers know when we might be getting a little bit on the plus side and kick the box we are standing on to reach financial solvency out from under us so we crash to the ground in a heap.
Most of us living paycheck-to-paycheck know exactly which months contain extra paydays, especially when you work for a company that pays you every two weeks. Believe me, that extra little cash in the wallet is usually a perfect time to catch up on your credit card bill, go to dinner or just tuck it away for a rainy day.
The money vampires see things differently. In their lives, every day is a rainy day. If you are in line for an extra paycheck, you better stock up on the wooden stakes and garlic cloves because that’s the time that the AC in your van goes out, or worse yet, a tree limb falls on your car and smashes out a side window.
Frugal me, vampires be damned I can drive with a chip in my windshield, but a hole in the side window as big as a watermelon where a passenger sits just won’t do. And the vampire knows: (a) repairing the window is less than your $500 deductible; or (b) you have only collision insurance on that old beater and the $300 will come out of your pocket. Get ready to give blood, my friend.
And it’s not always the big stuff. Say you wear a pair of pants to work you haven’t worn in a while and find 20 bucks in the pocket. Not a big amount, but it makes you smile and think it might be a little something that doesn’t go to paying a bill this month.
Money-sucking vampires scoff at this logic. Twenty dollars? Get ready for a tire to go flat, a kid to need new shoes or unexpected dentist co-pay comes due.
God forbid you find out the IRS owes you some significant money. About the time Uncle Sam is ready to turn loose of those sequestered greenbacks, the vampires surround you in a pack, burst a water pipe in your house, send the car insurance bill and then sneak an unexpected tuition payment into your mailbox.
The saddest part is, the more you can see the light at the end of your financial tunnel, the greater the likelihood that the money-sucking vampires will show up at your door. I’d like to say I have the cure for you to fight off this great evil, but let’s face it, like the movie says, vampires suck. So good luck with that.
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And here is a vampire of a different sort:
photo credit: drurydrama (Len Radin) via photopin cc